Beowulf or Whatever: Part 2

When Grendle rolls up into the hall, he notices that there are more people there than usual, and he’s totally enraged, but also pleased, because that means he’s got more people to murder. Yay for murder, thinks Grendle, and he’s about to tear Beowulf to bits when it turns out that our hero wasn’t asleep, but faking it. Then Beowulf and Grendle wrestle each other and destroy a lot of sturdy furniture. In this fight, Grendle gets his arm torn off.

Then Grendle runs off, injured, and the next morning everyone is very impressed with Beowulf. So impressed, that the resident minstrel writes a song about him, but it’s sort of bullshit because it’s just added on versus to a song he’s already been working on about another guy.

The King was so amazed by Beowulf that he gives our hero and all of his friends gifts, mostly gold stuff. Then everyone ate and drank and generally had a super-great time and the King was like “Listen, I know we just met or whatever, but you’re amazing, and you’re my son now.” This sounds like something you might say when you’ve been drinking mead all day when the new guy who just rolled into town tore the arm off of the resident serial killer. There’s wine and poetry at this party, it’s pretty wild. No sex though. All the ladies are like, modest or whatever.

Then, after everybody goes to bed, Grendles Mom attacks. She’s an amazon! Or a dragon! It’s unclear!

Then Beowulf shows up and the King is like “My BFF is dead! She’s probably munching on his bones at this creepy cave we all know about! This is the WORST!”

And Beowulf is like “Shit, listen man, if your BFF was a warrior, like you say, then it’s cool that he died, because for warriors, being dead is THE BEST, and warriors don’t like to be mourned, we like to be avenged. So I am going to go and get my Avenging on.”

And the King is like “You are so right, Beowulf you are the best.”

So Beowulf sets out with a couple guys, figuring they are on the right track when they find the head of the King’s BFF. Then they get to the cave where Grendles mom lives.

PART ONE

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