Nothing Can Compare

I’m doing great.

Whenever I’m asked how I’m doing, that’s nearly always my reply. Sometimes people think that means that I’m being flippant, or hiding some secret horrible feelings. How could anyone be doing great all the time? It’s impossible.

The truth is, when someone asks me that, I look at my life, at everything in it and I see that I really am doing very well. Or perhaps it’s just because I see that in comparison to what my life used to be, my life right now is fantastic.  No matter what has happens in my life, nothing can compare, at all, even in the slightest, to the way my life was in middle school.

Yeah. Middle School. My two years of hell.

Let me lay it out. In middle school I was harassed on a daily basis, physically and emotionally. I was kicked, repeatedly. I was shoved into lockers. I was harassed when I was changing clothes in gym class. My things were stolen repeatedly. My food was stolen and contaminated. I was spit on. I was called names that would get anyone fired from any workplace. I was harassed about my appearance, my intelligence and my sexual orientation. Since I was at the very bottom of the social higharchy, this abuse came from the entire student body. Imagine walking into a building every day where everyone in that building hates you. That was my life for two years.

The teachers did nothing, but instead asked why I couldn’t fit in. Why couldn’t I make friends? What was wrong with me? I spent two years thinking that I was doing something terribly wrong.

Nothing that has happened since can hold even the slightest candle flame to what happened to me then. I’ve gotten apologies from people who bullied me then. One of them told me that if she had a daughter, she hopes that daughter will be just like me. I know that my bullies were children, and that many of them didn’t understand what they did.

When I tell you I’m doing great it’s because no matter what else happens in my life, I am not living with the constant harassment. I don’t get kicked when I walk down the street. I haven’t been spit on since I was a child. Today I am not bullied on a daily basis, and therefore, yes, I am doing great. It’s a matter of perspective.

I’m not lying to you. I really am doing very well. All it took for me to realize that was two years in hell. Now there is little that can touch my core of joy.

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