Ladies, Be A Man

Whenever I sign up for a site on the internet, I register as a Man. I’m male, a guy, a dude, a bro, a penis-possessor, masculine identified, a beard-shaving, balls-having, capital M male.

It wasn’t always this way. I used to register as being female. But no more! I discovered that being female meant that I got loads of ads on “how to lose weight” and “look younger” and “clean my frippin’ house”. Mostly it was all about weight loss. Being a lady meant that I MUST want to know how to lose weight.

So I switched. I’m male now, at least, on the internet, and ladies I want to tell you that it is better. Far better. Instead of being told that I’m fat and that I NEED to do SOMETHING about my face, constantly, eight million times a day, I’m asked how I can be served.

Now ads want to know if a big strong man like me wants to buy a car, or maybe a new silver razor with forty-thousand blades, or if I’d like to go vacation in Maui, or if I’d like to have big-muscles or a new cellphone that can call Mars. Ads no longer tell me to get in the kitchen and wipe something up. Instead, they ask if I want to go off-roading.

Instead of it being assumed that there is something wrong with me, it’s assumed that I need some products that match my level of strength and general awesomeness. I am never going back to lady ads. I am done with ads for cleaning the kitchen, from now on, I’m all about the muscle.