Dr. Mercury, When Was The Last Time You Drank Blood?

The last time I drank blood, it was on the beach, and there was a lime in it. The blood, not the beach. The lime was for color. Like Christmas!

Of course, I don’t need blood to survive, I’m not your common vampire, but I do like the taste. Like pennies! Also, it always annoys whoever I’m with at the time that I’m drinking their blood. Because though I don’t need blood for sustenance, I honestly don’t think I’d survive without seeing the scrunched up little noses of whoever’s blood I’m drinking. So cute!

Now it’s really going to bother me – who WAS I on the beach with?

It’s terrible when you can’t remember who you’ve kidnapped. You must forgive me, I have a busy schedule, and a lot on my mind. But whoever it was, they had a sort of sweet vintage, and the lime added something, oh, I don’t know, bitter to the taste. Your-so-called super-hero’s tend to be overly sweet to me. Like candy.

Damn. Was it a super hero? It must have been. If the blood was overly sweet who else could it have been? But which one?

I need minions. I mean, obviously. They could help remember things for me. And they could operate the blood pumps and the Star-Caster and feed the lava lions. Besides which, anyone who is anyone has them. But they require such upkeep! And I’m so forgetful. Do you know you need to feed most minions every single day? I can’t remember to eat myself most days, and I’m supposed to remember to feed them? It’s asking for trouble. Perhaps if I could find minions that didn’t require feeding. Like robots or Gargoyles. But even robots need fuel, and Gargoyles eat pigeons, or, so I am told.

Now it’s going to bother me all day. Who did I kidnap? Whoever they were, I must have let them go, because they aren’t here now. That or I killed them. Or perhaps I just forgot about them. Or maybe they escaped and burned to death in the lake of fire. So many options. Whoever it was, I’m sure we had a wonderful time. Or, at least, I had a wonderful time – and isn’t that what’s important?